Election Anxiety…
As I tiptoe into November I do so full of reluctance and lack of fervor.
Some of my despondency rests upon the state of complete chaos of our nation and the other portion is due in part to the outcome of the last election.
For some, the last election 4 years ago is in the distant past however for me lately I have been having a plethora of flashbacks in which old feelings have resurfaced from that presidential race. What I remember most is afterwards there was a sting, and it was not due to the person I chose not winning but it was something more, indescribable no less and it hurt! It felt like a gut punch, not even like a toe stubbed in the middle of the night but something deeper and memorable that would take some time to process and heal from, that kind of sting. Like seeing your ex with a new bae and to add insult to injury the ex is wearing a shirt that you bought, yes…that kind of sting, not life threatening of course but a serious ass blow! Full stop…period!
Needless to say, I slept very little that night. There was a lot of tossing and turning, thinking, and rethinking of what was to come. Before rolling out of bed the next morning and attempting to start the day I remember giving myself a pep talk and even tried to mentally find a happy place. And in trying to secure that happy place what I did realize in that moment was there would be a need for many more pep talks to get me through the next 4 years of unexpectancy and uncertainty. Although that talk with myself didn’t make me feel any better it was the reality check that was needed to give me the push to get out of bed make coffee and grab the morning paper from the front lawn.
Truthfully, I wasn’t expecting to see anyone, but I heard my name as soon as I got in motion. Surprisingly, it was my neighbor from across the street he waved, and I followed. He and I had talked politics a time or two and although we were on opposite ends of the spectrum, we were cordial. He comes to the edge of the driveway with a serious look and offered an apology “about last night” (election night) he proceeds to add that he voted the way he did because of his loyalty to his party. Admittingly I was floored by his candor, I assured him that he owed me no apology and that it was not my duty to vote-shame. What I wanted to say to my neighbor was we were all in it together good or bad we would have to endure and see it through. He looked relieved at my response, he waved, and our conversation ended.
TBH I have replayed that conversation multiple times recently because here we are again…on the precipice of another pivotal election. I’m concerned about the day after the election and how things will all play out, it’s even crossed my mind if this will pan out like Groundhog’s Day reliving the election and me interfacing with the neighbor again as I retrieve the morning paper. What if the ticket I voted for doesn’t win again? What does that mean for myself mentally and the people I care about? What will it mean to have to endure 4 more years of the continued rhetoric of negativity with no regard for human life, not to mention bigotry, racism, stereotypes and unequal treatment of marginalized groups and no immediate plans for the containment of the Corona virus? WHAT WILL IT ALL MEAN & WHAT’S TO COME?
As I have confessed, November has me shook! And as a historian knowing and teaching history limits my optimism. But what I will say is history has shown that we’ve been here before and, in many cases, the same issues that I mentioned earlier have occurred under some administration in the past. My concern as a country is, we should always strive to progress and not regress back to what America was but more to what America can and should become. I do know that change does not happen overnight, it is a slow-slow process in which the overall challenge is having conversations that encourage critical thinking this is what is most needed for us to evolve and grow and become better.
I tap into the strength of the universe that the results this time will be favorable for the ticket that I supported. And most of all if this does happen, I do hope the opportunity will present itself and I run into my neighbor. There will be no apology on my end just a few simple words to readdress the conversation he initiated 4 years ago, the day after the election. I would relay that I am not loyal to a party however I would let him know that I am loyal to human life and I choose the party that best aligns with what I stand for and that encompasses the needs of the people that I care about most. That being my immediate family parents and aunts, cousins and friends that have preexisting conditions and comorbidities and are BIPOC which makes them vulnerable to the virus. And lastly, I even care about him and his wife that are baby boomers…and susceptible just the same but who I happen to consider my fellow man. That’s the America that I want to be a part of one that sees a human first and could give a shit about a party! But has a strong concern for humanity over party. That is what’s most important to me regardless of who wins or loses these are the principals that I will stand on for the next 4 years and thereafter.
